No Such Thing As Easy

For several months I have been hitting a wall of writer’s block that I would obviously prefer to be scaling. Finally, and thanks to a tweeter who had the courage to contact me, I can feel that wall starting to crumble. He said something that opened my mind to a route of thoughts which led me to realize that I wasn’t climbing high enough. He mentioned ‘casting his net’ to find his way toward a more complete recovery from past trauma. Although I’ve enjoyed an amazing recovery myself, I feel I can ‘cast my net’ much wider.

While working with Chris Krzeminski as he writes All These Quiet Places, I continue to find places in my mind that were previously unexplored. They certainly aren’t comfortable to visit but what worthwhile growth is?
I take the hits as they come and do my best to understand them so I can lay them to rest. Daunting to be sure, but absolutely necessary. The nagging tug of slanted perspectives is something I find more than annoying. It commands me to find a solution and ultimately a more accurate, healthier perspective.

I’ve been surprised at the things I never bothered to analyze yet I know this level of rigorous excavation isn’t common and I’m grateful to have these considerations brought to my attention. There’s no doubt in my mind that this had been pushing me into a lack of output due to all the internal work that’s been required. The only thing that really bothers me is the stranglehold this has had on my creativity, nevertheless I know it will eventually return to me.

The physical symptoms that have manifested are a true pain in the ass as nervousness, frequent activation of my gag reflex, and sleeplessness haunt me day in and day out. These are familiar although I haven’t experienced them in years. I’ve been very fortunate that way. Understanding them better this time around makes all the difference in how I cope and work to maintain my everyday activities alone or with others. This work belongs to me as does the responsibility of bringing myself to a new normal while I integrate all I’ve learned with all I had previously accumulated.

Today I feel less suffocation. Today I know I can trust myself to achieve a level of understanding that will benefit me and anyone who may get something from my future writings. There’s no such thing as easy and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I’d like to offer a big thank you to the tweeter who had the bravery to share his thoughts with me. I owe you one.

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2 Comments

Filed under Atheism

2 responses to “No Such Thing As Easy

  1. Every now and then I take out my thoughts and feelings on postpartum depression, what my wife must have felt like, and what I had to deal with as well. I don’t usually write them out because I don’t really care to. But, I will talk about them with anyone going through a similar experience.

    The other night I was watching “Prime Suspect”, Season 4e1, and got to live through what might have been had not a friend mentioned the entire concept of postpartum depression and what to look for.

    The sadness and feelings of being scared beyond belief are hard to imagine. And most of society doesn’t really understand. “She’s a monster.” Mental illness does not make monsters.

    Anyhow, taking these feelings out and writing about them is hard. But, I suppose necessary. I’ll let you know I feel in a day or two 🙂

    It’s not easy.

    — Mike

  2. I’m sorry you are going throughout these physical and emotional symptoms but knowing that it may lead you to a place of deeper comfort and peace makes it a little easier. I know, for me, there always seems to be discomfort during growth. We don’t get to move beyond where we are staying in our comfort zone. It’s always worth it in hind sight. Hang in there (although it sounds as if you already are hanging in there). I love you!

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